Saurian
New member
I just sat down and wrote this, cracked myself up to no end as I did... Enjoy... Pretty much says it all...:lol:
So... It is Politically Correct Holiday Time...
That's right, boys and girls and transgendered people alike, it's very nearly Non-Offensive, Non-Committal, Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Observance Day... May I take this opportunity to wish you, and this is by no means me forcing this wish upon you, in point of fact, and in retrospect, I should have probably asked permission to convey this wish upon you in advance, but since time is a factor, I will just have to go with the option of retracting this wish with a solemn apology after the fact, should said wish have been granted upon one who did not wish to receive it... Anyhoo... I wish you a Pleasant and Non-Offensive, Non-Committal, Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Observance. That's right, it's here already! Can you believe it?!? And that statement is in no way intended to question your belief structure, oh dear, this really is difficult isn't it... I shall make a stronger effort to watch what I say. But, at any rate, it is here, that magic (whoops, sorry about that, said the M word) time of year when we place the Easily Returnable Non Offensively Covered Material Possessions With Gift Receipts Included underneath the Tastefully and Non-Symbolically Decorated Recyclable Environmentally Friendly Non-Offensive, Non-Committal, Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Plant. Ah yes, but not to be forgotten are the trinkets, treats, and goodies that go in the Multi-Colored Oversized Non-Offensive, Non-Committal, Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Observance Novelty Footwear. After the offerings have been exchanged, and after gathering time, it is time for the Non-Offensive, Non-Committal, Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Observance Day Meal. Many families (darn it, again, I apologize, that's probably a bad word these days too) will say Grace before dinner... This is still permissible, so long as it is done in a way that covers God, any gods, anti-God, no God at all, no gods at all, all spirits of all animals, all elements, all directions of the compass, absolutely none of same, and any others, or none of any others that I have tastelessly forgotten. Once this is accomplished, for all those who agreed to participate in it well ahead of time, and have a signed consent form stating same on file, the meal may begin... The Non-Offensive, Non-Committal, Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Observance Day Meal shall consist of the following: Meat, No Meat, Bread, No Bread, Dairy, No Dairy, Vegetables, No Vegetables, Wine, No Wine, Various Desserts, and No Desserts At All... This way, you avoid offending those that might be vegetarian, allergic to wheat, lactose intolerant, offended by vegetables, non and anti drinkers, and diabetics... After the meal, a nice tradition (but if you don't wish to partake in said tradition, that's OK too, not that you needed my permission not to, not that you're accusing me of anything)... Let me start over... Something to do is to sit down in a place of gathering, and enjoy a nice egg nog (or soy nog), and perhaps sing a nice Non-Offensive, Non-Committal, Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Observance Day Harmonic Vocal Expression. At length, it shall be time to retire, another Non-Offensive, Non-Committal, Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Observance Day over... But don't get used to it, there'll be more rules and pointers on the way for next year
So... It is Politically Correct Holiday Time...
That's right, boys and girls and transgendered people alike, it's very nearly Non-Offensive, Non-Committal, Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Observance Day... May I take this opportunity to wish you, and this is by no means me forcing this wish upon you, in point of fact, and in retrospect, I should have probably asked permission to convey this wish upon you in advance, but since time is a factor, I will just have to go with the option of retracting this wish with a solemn apology after the fact, should said wish have been granted upon one who did not wish to receive it... Anyhoo... I wish you a Pleasant and Non-Offensive, Non-Committal, Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Observance. That's right, it's here already! Can you believe it?!? And that statement is in no way intended to question your belief structure, oh dear, this really is difficult isn't it... I shall make a stronger effort to watch what I say. But, at any rate, it is here, that magic (whoops, sorry about that, said the M word) time of year when we place the Easily Returnable Non Offensively Covered Material Possessions With Gift Receipts Included underneath the Tastefully and Non-Symbolically Decorated Recyclable Environmentally Friendly Non-Offensive, Non-Committal, Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Plant. Ah yes, but not to be forgotten are the trinkets, treats, and goodies that go in the Multi-Colored Oversized Non-Offensive, Non-Committal, Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Observance Novelty Footwear. After the offerings have been exchanged, and after gathering time, it is time for the Non-Offensive, Non-Committal, Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Observance Day Meal. Many families (darn it, again, I apologize, that's probably a bad word these days too) will say Grace before dinner... This is still permissible, so long as it is done in a way that covers God, any gods, anti-God, no God at all, no gods at all, all spirits of all animals, all elements, all directions of the compass, absolutely none of same, and any others, or none of any others that I have tastelessly forgotten. Once this is accomplished, for all those who agreed to participate in it well ahead of time, and have a signed consent form stating same on file, the meal may begin... The Non-Offensive, Non-Committal, Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Observance Day Meal shall consist of the following: Meat, No Meat, Bread, No Bread, Dairy, No Dairy, Vegetables, No Vegetables, Wine, No Wine, Various Desserts, and No Desserts At All... This way, you avoid offending those that might be vegetarian, allergic to wheat, lactose intolerant, offended by vegetables, non and anti drinkers, and diabetics... After the meal, a nice tradition (but if you don't wish to partake in said tradition, that's OK too, not that you needed my permission not to, not that you're accusing me of anything)... Let me start over... Something to do is to sit down in a place of gathering, and enjoy a nice egg nog (or soy nog), and perhaps sing a nice Non-Offensive, Non-Committal, Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Observance Day Harmonic Vocal Expression. At length, it shall be time to retire, another Non-Offensive, Non-Committal, Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Observance Day over... But don't get used to it, there'll be more rules and pointers on the way for next year
