You know you have a real Jeep if.... (consolidated and count


Active member
RE: Not the U-joints but...

From the "I have too much time on my hands department", I have consolidated, counted, and spell checked (sort of) the list. This is for reference only and not as good to read because you can't tell who wrote what and I left out all the unrelated comments which were pretty good as well.

I think the posting should continue on the other thread but just for fun here are all 292 of them...


You know you have a real Jeep if...

1. If you use a hose to clean the inside and the outside.

2. When the best route from point A to point B is through the rockpile or over the mountain.

3. When a scratch or a dent is a beauty mark.

4. You roll it over and don't get upset.

5. Your mom and sister can't get in without help.

6. You judge every hill you see by how much fun it would be to climb.

7. You puke when you see a RAV4.

8. You get custom pin-striping from trail brush.

9. When a low-rider Jeep pulls up next to you and you get out and gentle lady-slap the driver.

10. If it takes more than 6 hours to get donuts

11. When you pull into the unplowed parking spots on snowy days.

12. When you take your friends wheeling and they say "What trail -I don't see a trail!"

13. When you've been forced to add TJ, CJ, YJ and XJ to your spell-checker.

14. When you can see OVER a Suburban.

15. You carry emergency supplies and clothing because you never know
where you will end up.

16. When your Nerf bars battle rocks and win.

17. When it rains and you don't care that your tops and doors are off.

18. When you drive around to look at Christmas lights topless.

19. When you change your plugs in the parking lot at work on a break.

20. If your "Parts Dept." is on blocks behind your house.

21. When you take your Mom wheeling and she has to help you flip the Jeep
back onto its wheels again.

22. You use an ice-scraper on the INSIDE of the windshield.

23. You get more heat from holes in the floorboards than through the heater vents.

24. Every page of your repair manual has greasy fingerprints.

25. Passengers scream "DON'T ROLL IT!" when you take them wheeling.

26. You spend more time under your Jeep than under your significant other.

27. Winter comes and you can't remember where you left the roof.

28. You spend more on car washes than on insurance.

29. Even worse the car wash won't let you in.

30. You fix almost everything yourself.

31. When you feel sorry for someone in a $60,000 Toyota Land Cruiser.

32. When you have all your credit card numbers memorized.

33. When you slam the door and chunks of dried mud crumble to the ground.

34. If you get asked to pick up your co-workers in a snowstorm and get paid for it.

35. Your wife/girlfriend refuses to get in it.

36. You are the only one on the street who doesn't plow their driveway.

37. You are dating the Service, Parts or Sales Manager at the Jeep dealership.

38. You try to run the plow trucks off the road when it snows heavily.

39. You can't hear your $200 stereo over the howl of your tires on the highway.

40. You have a high-water mark INSIDE the Jeep.

41. Any tire that isn't waist high looks like a bagel.

42. You can't take a girl, who's wearing a dress, on a date without carrying
along a set of steps.

43. You can't sneak into church late because the engine is too loud.

44. You carry along enough tools to supply a small garage.

45. You nickname your Jeep after the noises it makes or it's most damaging trail accident.

46. You carry along a replacement part for every drive component on the Jeep.

47. You can air up your tires without stopping at a gas station.

48. You know how to reinforce the windshield frame near the wiper arm.

49. You're constantly getting passed on the highway.

50. Your wallet is always empty.

51. When your boss's secretary calls to "recommend" that you wash your Jeep.

52. When you finally wash the mud off, everyone thinks you bought a new Jeep.

53. You smell like gas every where you go.

54. You only know how much gas you have left by looking at the odometer.

55. You spend more to replace all four tires then you paid for your wife’s wedding ring.

56. You make bets on what part you will be upgrading after your next outing.

57. You have mud on the windshield, the inside!

58. When you have a rope tied to each side of your roll bar to keep both seats from falling backwards because the frames broke.

59. If you get a monthly paint job out of a can (KRYLON)

60. If your jeep spends more time broken down then on the road.

61. If it has more accessories than your house does.

62. It breaks down more than he he

63. If your parents don’t let you park in the driveway for fear all the mud on the jeep will fall off.

64. You apply sunscreen before you go to Wal-Mart.

65. If you have ever gojoed your face.

66. The answer to the question "are we gonna make this?" has ever been, "I dunno, hold on to something".

67. If you have seat belt tan lines.

68. If the scariest wreck you've ever been in happened while you were going 2mph.

69. If you dream of being able to crawl .001 mph in 1st gear at 2000rpms.

70. If "disco-ing" means something entirely different to you than skinny guys in white suits dancing funny.

71. If you wave to complete strangers in their jeeps...and they actually wave back at you.

72. If you carry a step stool so the lady of the jeep can get out like a lady in her church dress.

73. If the typical jack will not lift high enough to change the tires.

74. If you cannot remember where you put the floorboard plugs.

75. If you watch the weather Channel to decide if you are going topless.

76. If you are on the black list at the local car washes.

77. If when you can’t be working on your jeep, or are wheeling it..... you spend countless hours on jeepz and other 4x4 related web-sites.

78. If people ask you what color it is.

79. Everywhere you go you are ask did you go off roading and you just answer nope took a wrong turn.

80. If your pant is stained the color of the mud.

81. If more people stop to watch you drive by than a corvette.

82. Every time going up to the gate you get searched. (When you open hood enough mud falls off to lift the front end of your jeep 3 inches) [Well this some of y’all don’t get because you don’t have to drive on base] over seas the base have "search pits" where they flag you in to search, I never get by with out being searched.

83. If you ever get worried that someone’s gonna steal your windows and your doors.

84. Part of your emergency roadside kit is a couple garbage bags in case it rains.

85. You suddenly feel the urge to move to the woods and buy a log cabin.

86. You stop shaving for weeks on end.

87. When Quadratec comes in the mail its more exciting than when playboy does.

88. If you’ve ever shown up to a place where you know no-one and instantly become best friends with someone just cause they have jeep.

89. You've had seagulls crap on your backseat (I live on the coast )

90. When your jeep wont start and you find that real meaning to "its a jeep thing, you wouldn’t understand"

91. When you start thinking up and contributing to lists like this.

92. If you ever worry about over extending your brake lines!

93. When you sneeze at a light the person behind you screams god bless you.

94. When your hard top doubles as a picnic table in the summer months.

95. When your blind spots are duct tape on torn windows.

96. When the part store is #2 on the speed dial right after 911.

97. If you never lock your doors with the soft top on.

98. You have received death-threats from your normally loving and good-natured main-squeeze just because you ran a disassembled Carter-BBD carburetor though the "power-wash" cycle of her dish washing machine.

99. When singing along to the radio draws an audience and stares at a red light.

100. When you cant use your outside shower cause its storing your doors and soft top. (Am I the only one who does this?)

101. If in the throws of passion you call you spouse Rubicon, or Sky Jacker or some other mod you are dreaming of.

102. If you call your Jeep by name and buy it gifts for Christmas and other holidays.

103. When you have to take the doors off for more elbowroom.

104. When friends tell you "don’t take that road its all tore up" and you take it to try out your suspension.

105. If you take your jeep to a car wash to change parts.

106. If you park your jeep in a parking lot, come out and find other jeeps parked by it!!!!!

107. When you go to the movies and all the spots are full, you park in the bushes or in the planters.

108. If instead of going to jiffy lube and paying $25 for a 20 min. oil change you spend about $50 and have a day of hell changing it yourself.

109. When you're the only one on the block who's never been "snowed in"

110. Every time you have to drive a normal car it feels like a sports car.

111. When people start to refer to you as the guy (or girl) that drives the jeep.

112. You don't own a hair dryer, instead you take the top off.

113. Your parts list is longer than the grocery list.

114. When you go to the corner store to get milk and you need a spotter.

115. Your leather belt doubles as a retaining mechanism for your windshield.

116. The difficulty of every modification you make to your vehicle is rated in BPH. (Beers Per Hour)

117. Your jeep has enough lift that you can remove the transmission and transfer case from it without having to jack it up.

118. Every time you see something that even remotely resembles an RTI ramp.... you just cant resist.

119. You’ve ever tried to ramp your jeep using boards leaned on someone’s tailgate.

120. If you purposely drive through standing water and dirt on the road immediately after you have washed your jeep because it doesn't look right all shiny and neat.

121. If a cop has ever yelled at you for doing donuts in snow filled parking lots at 12:00 at night.

122. People tell you "You know, if you ever get hit with no doors on, you're screwed!"

123. You modify your vehicle to move slower.

124. You spend a whole day, sunrise to sunset, to lead several other vehicles on a 1 mile excursion.

125. You have ever wondered, "Why does this always grind into 2nd (and/or 3rd) gear?"

126. You buy replacement parts from the hardware store rather than the dealership.

127. No part of your vehicle even closely resembles any picture in your repair manual anymore.

128. If you never cease to amaze people what your jeep is capable of.

129. When people in their little rice rockets pull up for a race, they underestimate the low gearing of a JEEP.

130. When you find yourself waving at all the jeeps even when you’re not driving one.

131. When you go to look in your rearview mirror and realize they aren’t there.

132. When you end the trip and realize you no longer have the contents of your left pants pocket.

133. Old people shake their 4-footed canes and seem scared of your jeep.

134. Children love what you ride in.

135. You stop at the local Drive In and people ask is it ok if I crawl under the jeep to see what all you have done to it.

136. You have a standing appointment at your local garage each week.

137. Look at the parking lot to find another Jeep to park next to before you look for the closes to the door.

138. If you just ran to message boards to report that the "History Channel" is having " Modern Marvels : 4X4's" Tuesday night at 10.

139. (This is for the four banger guys) If you just smile and wave like an idiot when you hit a hill and start getting passed like crazy.

140. When you see a dropped rapper's car blasting music and you drive over it just because it was there.

141. It cost you more to repair your rig from your last expedition than it did when you bought it. (for the owners of used jeeps)

142. When after parking somewhere for an extended period of time you find cans or cups meticulously placed under your big tires so that you will run over them when you leave.

143. After you spend an hour cleaning the mud off your jeep, you go and get it all dirty.

144. If you've been pulled over by a cop just because he wanted to look at your Jeep.

145. If you've ever hoped for it to rain with the top off.

146. It’s the only vehicle that warns you that "The roof and doors of this vehicle are only for protection from the elements don’t expect them to keep you in the vehicle or protect you during an accident".

147. If you collect more in core charges at the end of the week than you make at your day job.

148. When your family photo album has more trail riding pictures than pictures of family.

149. If you carry a blanket, jacket, and run your heater in July, and in the south for evening drives home.

150. When people notice scratches or dings, you just say that they are your jeeps character.

151. When you consider a oil leak as your jeep marking its' territory.

152. You can look tractor-trailer drivers in the eye as they pass you.

153. You gladly pull H2's out of mud holes.

154. You forget what color your jeep is, then when people ask what color it is, you say MUD.

155. When you steal the jeep in GTA vice city and instead of playing the game, you drive around and look for things to use to test the articulation. Or go to the beach and drive up the rocks!!

156. Leaving the bird crap on the steering column hoping the rain will wash it off. (It hasn't yet)

157. Having to move the spiders/webs from the roll cage every morning.

158. Having the soft top so pack away that your new street bike is your nasty weather ride to work.

159. Your jeep gets the same miles per tank as your bike yet one cost 5.56 and the other 20 bucks. (And neither is good)

160. Everything in your jeep makes their own special noise.

161. When you have holes for doors but no doors.

162. If your neighbors ask if they can use some of the dirt in your driveway for their flower boxes.

163. An even more recognizable shape then a VW Bug.

164. The fancier it is the less it is admired.

165. A Sawzall is a common mod tool.

166. Even in base form it still out wheels 90% built in the last 60 years.

167. More pull/push controls then a Cessna!!!

168. Tricking it out starts with a few beers and an Idea...................not a catalog.

169. You’ve ever said, "This hole didn't look that deep”... usually while buried up to the headlights.

170. When off-road and off-ramp mean pretty much the same thing.

171. When the man stops you and follows the mud back to where you just came from, just to see what you’ve been up to.

172. When you, the dog and your Jeep relieve themselves of excess fluids at most every stop.

173. You can remember when you started or ended a relationship based on what Jeep you own(ed).

174. You carry an ice scraper in the winter to clear the INSIDE of the windshield.

175. You carry a small squeegee in the summer time to clear the rain off the INSIDE of the windshield.

176. A full five-gallon gas can is standard in your Jeep because the gas gauge hasn’t worked in months or years.

177. You know how many CJ’s can fit in the back of a 24 ft rental truck.

178. You have ever bought a Jeep off eBay from four states away.

179. You have ever fished from your Jeep in the middle of a river or creek. (Honestly, my significant other has done this!)

180. You have Jeep parts in your cubicle at work.

181. When you take your roof off in April and put it back on in November. (In snow country)

182. Your spot at work is not marked by a sign but the mud surrounding it.

183. Family reunions are when a new mud hole is open. (I know personally)

184. A cop pulls you over for swerving and gives you a sobriety test while you try to explain to him it is the tires and lift ...(Its a BIG Jeep thing you wouldn't understand)

185. If you spend countless hours on JEEPZ.COM.

186. When 55mph is flat haulin booty!!!

187. Every time you get in another car you feel 7'6" Everything is angled in and crammed against you..................yeeeee-uuugh!!!

188. When you cringe and lift your arse cheek for every pebble in the road when you’re riding in a sports car.

189. When you can’t recognize another car until realize you never seen a Taurus from this lowered angle before.

190. When your parents won't let you park in the driveway and force you to park in the woods because "Your jeep leaks too much".

191. When you go mudding and even after washing it 3 times you still find dirt clods everywhere!

192. When on the first day of school you make 2 new friends because they drive jeeps!

193. If it is broken more often then it is working.

194. When your Clutch Master cylinder pukes all over the fuse box every 100,000 miles!

195. When you put bricks behind your rear wheels because you don't trust the parking brake.

196. When you save every extra cent to do your next mod.

197. Whenever you get your paycheck you start calculating what mods you can afford.

198. You've never successfully snuck out of the house because your mom can hear your engine with her earplugs in.

199. You're car alarm includes a faulty horn that goes off every time you start the car and you are the only person who can jiggle the steering wheel just right to turn it off.

200. You have read all 10 pages so far.

201. When you consider buying a new engine/tub/frame rather than just getting a new ride.

202. If your dealership said the repairs took longer then expected due to excessive mud.

203. If you have to worry about going through banks and drive throughs for clearance.

204. If you were forced to give up your garage spot because you couldn’t fit in the door.

205. If every time it gets hot outside it looks like your jeep took a cr*p from all the mud baked off of it.

206. If your local car wash is forced to put up a "NO HEAVY MUD WASHING" sign in all the bays.

207. If you won't go into the automatic car wash because you know it won't get the mud off.

208. If the majority of fixes on your jeep involve a hose clamp.

209. If you have to bring a change of clothing everywhere you go just in case.

210. If you feel obligated to wash your jeep before it goes to get fixed.

211. If you have ever been accused of illegal offroading based on the current cleaness of your jeep. (Happened twice now)

212. If you ever had to wash the insides of your wheels just to do over 45 m.p.h.

213. If there is just as much mud in the bottom of your shower, as there is under your Jeep.

214. When you are happy it snowed so you can get the best parking space (on top of the pile they plowed right to the front for you)

215. When you spend your lunch hour at Napa, Auto Zone, Pep Boys and Lowe's to get parts! (I did today)

216. When you are happy for snow so you can drive over covered islands----sorry officer I did not even know it was there.... It won't happen again I promise.

217. When your Jeep can go twice as far as a $60,000 Hummer or Land Rover. Oh wait, all Jeeps can.

218. When you buy 2 toothbrushes, one for your teeth, and one for the oil under your nails.

219. When you pass up a new sofa set for 4:11 gears. (Just happened)

220. If your jeep changes color with the kind of mud your in.

221. If you have an urge to check out ever other jeep around you.

222. If you have ever been called at 4 A.M. to pull a friend out of a ditch.

223. If you purposely go out to find people that got stuck in bad weather.

224. If your rear windshield wiper doesn't do a damn thing. (Seems happen a lot here)

225. If you carry around a tow strap where ever you go.

226. If you find a broken shovel on the trail and make it part of your tool kit. (found a old shovel, thought it would come in handy)

227. If you hear the street cleaner coming down the street and you run to move your jeep just so all the mud will be swept up.

228. If you have ever been pulled over for illegal window and light coverage by mud.

229. When you can sit in amazement staring at your "NEW" jeep. NOT really new but its been sooooo long since it's top has been on.

230. Mission impossible..............making your 24 year old CJ rattle & squeak free..................................For THREE WHOLE DAYS!!!!!

231. Taking your 7 yo daughter wheeling and your best friend and his boy in their Toyota. After failing the hill climb his boy yells ""dad WE NEED a JEEP!!!""

232. If u sold your jeep 3 months ago and you feel as if your going to die or go crazy if you don’t buy another.

233. When u feel like your last wheelin trip was your last confession at church......I MUST GO BACK!!!!!!

234. You imagine every car that passes, no matter the make and model, with bigger tires and a suspension lift

235. When you don’t roll on dubs, you roll on TRIPS

236. If every time you look at your jeep after you have done an expensive mod, you still see $500 worth of stuff that you want for you jeep. It never ends!

237. When you get happy because you HAVE to pick up a friend. (get to show off the Jeep)

238. When you put a sus. lift on in your garage and soon realize you can't leave your garage!!!!!

239. When every present on Christmas day is jeep related!

240. It would be paid off if you didn’t build it up .............

241. You spend more money on you Jeep at Christmas than you did on your S/O.

242. When you wash your jeep one day. You spend so much time out in the sun that you have a new tan.

243. When you lift your brand new jeep and don't care about voiding the warranty.

244. When you live on a street with parallel parking and your neighbors don't park near you for fear of bumper to body contact.

245. When people ask you why your Jeep makes funny clicking noises when you turn.

246. Fred Flintstone has nothing on your floorboards.

247. The spare tire is sooooo large you have to get creative and mount it somewhere other than the rear factory carrier.

248. Your 90-degree bend exhaust exiting under the doorsill produces enough smoke your neighborhood is mosquito free.

249. Other cars steer clear of traveling behind you for fear of the mud clods falling off.

250. Any strange smell you come across while driving you assume it's your jeep.

251. Your muffler has numerous dents in it from your driveshaft.

252. U-Joints are precious and you keep them locked up in your Tuffy.

253. You have to wear safety glasses when under the jeep to keep tried mud from falling in your eyes... but instead you just squint.

254. Friends have realized that Jeep parts double as furniture in your home.

255. When your jeep is a POO Brown Rust Bucket!

256. When drilling a few holes really doesn’t bother you that much.

257. When you find all sorts of its parts all over the garage, driveway, and at times in the house.

258. When you go for a ride in your mom's car, and feel like you're lying down in a bed.

259. When you ask around to everyone at your local brewery to find out just who owns that red XJ with the lift that you park next to all the time.

260. When birthday, Christmas, or just general presents are "something for your Jeep".

261. When you say "Hang on!", and your friends freak and make a dash for the oh-chit bars.

262. You always smell like exhaust

263. Your platoon sergeant would rather ride to the range with you than in a hummvee.

264. When people are always looking at you saying, "Isn't it time you got that thing washed?"

265. When your dad hands you a handful of quarters, and says the car wash is right down the road.

266. You know you have a real jeep when you decide to be cheap and move your Whole house and your jeeps carries just under 3,000 trips. Nothing like watching a jeep going 2 mph down the road trying not to drop the couch.

267. You have to park 4 blocks away from your destination, which has a parking garage that isn't full but your Jeep is too tall.

268. If you come home and the wife/girlfriend wont let you in the house till you hose the mud off yourself.....dang the hose water is cold.

269. When the only time your Jeep is in a garage longer than it takes for a repair is when you did a lift, and forgot to measure the door (I could see myself doing this).

270. When you are running around the off-road accessories store like a kid at Christmas, and your mom has this "I just don't get it" look on her face.

271. When you spend $300 replacing parts under your jeep trying to find a knocking noise.

272. You finally find & fix the knock then miss it.

273. Your "add-on" budget is more than 60% of your monthly income..... for the next 7 months!

274. You throw down with the president of the homeowners association because you do not consider changing a few measly bushings "WORKING" on your Jeep........... If more than 2 tires & one axle are still attached, you are not "WORKING", you are tinkering!!!

275. You start looking for a garage to rent because maybe the president of the homeowners association has a point........... barely....... I mean its not like I was overhauling the transmission right there in the condo parking lot....... right?

276. You can't sit still at work because your poly bushing kit just showed up this morning and you can't wait to tear into it........ you know, to see if it makes a difference!!

277. You spend too much time on the internet looking for Jeep sites when you SHOULD be working!

278. You cringe every time someone asks you if you have a "V6”.

279. Your roll bar is more comforting than your seat belts.

280. Your passengers benefit from having handles on the roll bar.

281. You don't need a top, car thieves rarely carry around ladders.

282. You swerve toward obstacles rather than avoid them.

283. You yell "Hooray" when it rains... mud rules.

284. You photoshop larger tires onto a pic of your jeep to see what it would look like.

285. When you go to bed at night you can’t sleep because you have jeep on the brain. (Usually occurs when thinking about modifications or the work you will be doing the next day)

286. When you spend more time budgeting Jeep parts and accessories than you do budgeting your finances.

287. When you use small trees as emergency brakes down the steep, slippery, make your own trail, mountain.

288. A twin stick Dana 18 and 5.38 gears.

289. Every time you hit a bump in the road, the radio thinks you're popping a cassette in and tries to play it. (*yeah no cd player over here, i'm old school!)

290. If you have ever been banned from a carwash!

291. When you can stand up and proudly moon the world from the front bumper without fear of falling off.

292. It has led you to your first arrest.

2000 4 1/2 " suspension

I have not read that thread in months South and exactly for that reason. It was too busy and full of comments, etc. for me. Now that isn't a bad thing, just personal preference.

I can really appreciate this nice cleaned up list and you have given me my daily laugh! lol You must have had some time on your hands! Thanks.

RE: Forum Rules and Guidelines -- Why?

i have a feeling # 291 could be because of one of my previous pics :p and i'd like to say that #292 never resulted in the end :)

YAY for bumper mooning - only 10 more days till i can drive again :D
#294 - You spend endless hours counting and sorting the posts to a "You Know You Have A REAL Jeep If....." topic for your Jeepin' buds on a Jeep forum!! :lol: :lol:

Good job, South! I don't think I'd have the patience.

Wow, I'm very impressed South.

I'm like Lady, I don't want to even read the other thread...let alone re-write it!!
#295 -> on a break at work you go searching around you vehical for somthing and when you come back in your coworkers ask "what happend" or "how did you fall" becasue of how dirty you are

i read the hole thing. wow that took a wile. what are we up to here 296?

#296-your jeep has a convertable top, but it didnt come that way from the factory
RE: Does SOA + 4" lifted Springs = good Idea?

297- If you check out other jeeps in a shopping store's parking lot, even if the owner isnt around
As a retoutr to #'s 29-30: I have been ESCOURTED out of car washes (More than one & more than once 8) ) by the local athourities! :shock:

As a retoute to #'s 29-30: I have been ESCOURTED out of car washes (More than one & more than once 8) ) by the local athourities! :shock:

(Inspired by real-life events of this morning.)

You run out to the garage in your PJs and slippers to park your Jeep a half-block away and walk home in the rain. All because you are afraid the huge tree being felled in your neighbor's backyard will fall on your garage and crush the Jeep parked inside.


Timbeeerrrr Gadget
RE: Jeep Trailor???

Inspector-Gadget said:
(Inspired by real-life events of this morning.)

You run out to the garage in your PJs and slippers to park your Jeep a half-block away and walk home in the rain. All because you are afraid the huge tree being felled in your neighbor's backyard will fall on your garage and crush the Jeep parked inside.


Timbeeerrrr Gadget

Now that's love!
RE: Building a stroker out of a 4.0L

My paranoia turned out to be somewhat justified. The tree-guys did damage the next door neighbor's garage with the trailer being used to haul away the tree!

I am gratified, however, that the more distant neighbors didn't call 9-1-1 to report a bedraggled, yet rather nice looking, little old man walking the streets in PJs and slippers. :mrgreen:


Still has a Jeep, Gadget

Well, if Gadget's is 299, this would be 300!

When you take the wrench to it, even if you don't quite know what you're doing, even if it's your only vehicle, even though it's 3 AM, and you're dead tired, just because it's your Jeep, and you are gonna be the one to fix it!