felix_santi
New member
RE: Re: alloy axle shafts
A few days ago I was having some work done at the local Ford Dealership. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one." She said that she did not know what it was but this piece had always been there.
He gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car, which
had its hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right "there"...(click on the following link)
http://womencentral.net/oil2.jpg
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio. A canine unit patrolling nearby responded quickly.
As the officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran to the porch, saw the cop and his dog, and then collapsed, sobbing uncontrollably. "I'm here, Ma'am," the cop said gently. "Let's go inside and take a look." Suddenly, the blonde's grief turned to anger.
"Take a look? Bull! I call the police to come out and inspect the crime, and what does someone down there with his head up his ass do? Send out a blind man!"
_________
Day late, dollar short
Actually, had the money, but I was a day late. Bu the time I got there all they had left were harlots.
www.averagjoe.com/0921v
___________
A letter from grandma:
She writes:
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is... and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing...he was enjoying this religious experience, too!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
Grandma
___________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"BEIJING - A rubber company in China has begun marketing condoms under the brand names Clinton and Lewinsky, apparently seeking to exploit the White House affair that led to the impeachment of America's 42nd president.
Spokesman Liu Wenhua of the Guangzhou Rubber Group said the company was handing out 100,000 free Clinton and Lewinsky condoms as part of a promotion to raise consumer awareness of its new products.
He said that after the promotion ends, the Clinton condoms will go on sale in southern China for 29.8 Yuan ($3.72) for a box of 12, while the Lewinsky model will be priced at 18.8 Yuan ($2.35) for the same quantity.
"The Clinton condom will be the top of our line," he said. "The Lewinsky condom is not quite as good."
Liu said the company had chosen to use the Clinton name because consumers viewed the former president as a responsible person, who would want to stress safe sex....yada, yada, yada"
Wow, what a legacy for a president! Slick Willie must be real proud.
Source: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050921/ap_on_fe_st/clinton_condoms
____________
www.averagjoe.com/caption261
The ride closed for an hour while custodians cleaned up the mess. Meanwhile, the kid who manned the chocolate shake machine at the concession stand was nowhere in sight, and two empty boxes of Ex Lax were found nearby.
______________
The President's Helper
http://gprime.net/video.php/presidentialspeechalist
_____________
Although minor precedural disagreements remain, governmental agencies present a united front in their efforts to aid New Orleans.
www.averagjoe.com/0922s
_____________
On a golf tour in Ieland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The
pump attendant, who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets
him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the
golfing pro is. "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attend
ant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the
nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket on
to the ground."What are those? asks the attendant?" "They're
called tees" replies Tiger. "Well, what on the god's earth are d
ey for?" inquires the Irishman. "They're for resting my balls on
when I'm driving" says Tiger. "Amazing", says the
Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything."..... :twisted:
A few days ago I was having some work done at the local Ford Dealership. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one." She said that she did not know what it was but this piece had always been there.
He gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car, which
had its hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right "there"...(click on the following link)
http://womencentral.net/oil2.jpg
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio. A canine unit patrolling nearby responded quickly.
As the officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran to the porch, saw the cop and his dog, and then collapsed, sobbing uncontrollably. "I'm here, Ma'am," the cop said gently. "Let's go inside and take a look." Suddenly, the blonde's grief turned to anger.
"Take a look? Bull! I call the police to come out and inspect the crime, and what does someone down there with his head up his ass do? Send out a blind man!"
_________
Day late, dollar short
Actually, had the money, but I was a day late. Bu the time I got there all they had left were harlots.
www.averagjoe.com/0921v
___________
A letter from grandma:
She writes:
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is... and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing...he was enjoying this religious experience, too!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
Grandma
___________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"BEIJING - A rubber company in China has begun marketing condoms under the brand names Clinton and Lewinsky, apparently seeking to exploit the White House affair that led to the impeachment of America's 42nd president.
Spokesman Liu Wenhua of the Guangzhou Rubber Group said the company was handing out 100,000 free Clinton and Lewinsky condoms as part of a promotion to raise consumer awareness of its new products.
He said that after the promotion ends, the Clinton condoms will go on sale in southern China for 29.8 Yuan ($3.72) for a box of 12, while the Lewinsky model will be priced at 18.8 Yuan ($2.35) for the same quantity.
"The Clinton condom will be the top of our line," he said. "The Lewinsky condom is not quite as good."
Liu said the company had chosen to use the Clinton name because consumers viewed the former president as a responsible person, who would want to stress safe sex....yada, yada, yada"
Wow, what a legacy for a president! Slick Willie must be real proud.
Source: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050921/ap_on_fe_st/clinton_condoms
____________
www.averagjoe.com/caption261
The ride closed for an hour while custodians cleaned up the mess. Meanwhile, the kid who manned the chocolate shake machine at the concession stand was nowhere in sight, and two empty boxes of Ex Lax were found nearby.
______________
The President's Helper
http://gprime.net/video.php/presidentialspeechalist
_____________
Although minor precedural disagreements remain, governmental agencies present a united front in their efforts to aid New Orleans.
www.averagjoe.com/0922s
_____________
On a golf tour in Ieland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The
pump attendant, who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets
him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the
golfing pro is. "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attend
ant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the
nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket on
to the ground."What are those? asks the attendant?" "They're
called tees" replies Tiger. "Well, what on the god's earth are d
ey for?" inquires the Irishman. "They're for resting my balls on
when I'm driving" says Tiger. "Amazing", says the
Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything."..... :twisted:
